Something's Gone
by TJ-TeeJay
Summary: We reexperience what has been happening between FutureMax, PresentMax and Liz in The End Of The World and how Max and Liz deal with it afterwards, finally getting the chance to talk about it in private. COMPLETE.


**"Something's Gone"**

_by TeeJay_

* * *

**Rating:** Not sure... but I'd say it's G  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters or situations... :-( I'm not sure who actually does but it's either the WB or FOX or recently UPN or who-the-heck-do-I-know. The song 'Deep Inside Of Me' is (c) by Third Eye Blind, 'I Shall Believe' (c) by Sheryl Crow. So, don't sue me, I don't have any money anyway... And you're not taking my TV or VCR from me, no way!  
**Summary:** We re-experience what has been happening between Future-Max, Present-Max and Liz in "The End Of The World" and how Max and Liz deal with it afterwards, finally getting the chance to talk about it in private.  
**Category:** Max/Liz  
**Author's Notes:**  
This is my very first Roswell fan fiction and it felt good to finally get this off my chest:o) Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! Huge thanks to my beta-readers Steff and especially Joan, you're the BEST!  
**WARNING:**  
**Contains heavy spoilers for the episode "The End Of The World" and minor ones for "Harvest" and "Wipeout!"**  
**TIMEFRAME:**  
The first part takes place during the episode "The End Of The World", the second part after the episode "Wipeout!" and before "Meet The Dupes".

* * *

As they stood in Congresswoman Whitakers darkened Roswell field office, peering between the Venetian blinds on the doors, Max' attention was drawn to Liz. Feeling this shift in his attention, Liz stole a glance from the corner of her eye. At a Max she was totally unfamiliar with, a Max that looked, and _was_, different from the one she knew and had come to love. A Max that had long, disheveled, dark hair and was wearing strange, dark clothes. A Max who was a good deal older than herself, who had come from fourteen years into the future on a very important mission. "What?" she asked curiously. 

Max shifted his gaze away and replied, "Nothing." He had come back with the conviction he would not fall in love again. But he just couldn't help himself when in her presence. His gaze shifted back to her. "It's just... seeing you at seventeen again is making it all come flooding back to me. How my stomach used to rumble every time I saw you."

Liz, jumping at the chance to find out more about this older Max, and her life with him, smiled sweetly and asked, "So, um... did we get married?"

Peering through the blinds again, Max automatically replied, "Liz, you know I can't..."

Realizing her curiosity had gotten the better of her, she cut in, "You... I know, you can't talk about it. I'm sorry. I know." Liz raised her binoculars and continued watching the objects of their interest - the "other" Max, and Tess, sitting at a table across the street on the Crashdown Café patio, talking to each other.

Max studied Liz' features as she was gazing through the blinds. The need to share the memory with her won out and he told her, "We eloped. We were nineteen."

"We were nineteen?" Surprised, Liz turned to look at Max again. "Wow, that is so young. That is too young."

The memory brought a smile to his lips as he took a step back and leaned against the receptionist's desk. "That's what I said, but you said that Romeo and Juliet were even younger than us, so we drove to Vegas. Got married at the Elvis chapel." Attempting to imitate Elvis, Max curled his upper lip as he said, "Congratulations, kids."

Liz frowned. Her disappointment registered in her face and body language. "So we didn't have a real wedding," she stated.

Max' demeanor was decidedly upbeat as he reassured her, "Oh, we had a _great _wedding. You called Maria, Michael, Isabel, and Alex, and had them meet us halfway. We spent the whole night singing and dancing in some dive outside Phoenix, and at the end of the night, 'I Shall Believe' came on the radio."

Smiling, Liz contributed, "I love that song."

"I know. Everyone else was exhausted, but not us." Lost in the moment Max whispered, "Oh, we danced... just the two of us." Walking back to the doors, Max continued "And ever since then, it's been our song." He moved the blinds so he could have a peek through.

"If this works... I'm not gonna have that day," Liz was saddened by the realization of what she was giving up.

Max' demeanor changed as he sadly replied, "No, you won't."

"Then what happens to you if we succeed? I... I mean you. The future version of you?"

Trying not to display too much emotion, Max matter-of-factly replied, "If we succeed in changing history, a different version of the future will take place. All the events that led to who I am fourteen years from now, will be different. The man I am now will... cease to exist."

Liz nodded sadly, looking down. Then she continued watching Max and Tess through the blinds. The older Max and Liz both winced as they realized that something unforeseen must have happened between the younger Max and Tess. The younger Max had turned around in his seat, suspicious of something, then had suddenly gotten up and was now rushing towards them. "Damn," the older Max uttered.

Liz pushed him away from the door and told him, "Get outta here." He quickly hid in the inner office, for he had to avoid meeting his younger version at any cost.

The younger Max rushed through the door, clearly upset. Liz tried not to panic as she faced him. "Max."

"Were you watching?" Max inquired angrily.

"Um..." Liz was not sure how to react, she shifted on her feet uneasily.

"So, it was all a setup," he half stated, half asked.

"Yeah." Liz knew there was nothing she could do but tell him the truth now. At least the part of the truth he was allowed to know.

"You tried to get Tess and me together?" Max looked at Liz in utter disbelief and incomprehension. There was something really strange about Liz behaving like this. What had gotten into her?

Liz stammered, "Look, I know that you must hate me right now. I, um..."

Before she could utter another word, Max cupped Liz' head with his hands and gave her a long, passionate kiss. Liz was hesitant but she did not push him away. Images of her as a child entered Max' vision, images of him and Liz kissing, touching each other. He slowly withdrew his hands and lips from hers, and stepped back to look her in the eyes. Liz attempted to avoid just that, by directing her gaze towards the floor.

Max was still confused. "I felt that... and I know you did, too." His voice took on a determined, almost desperate tone as he continued, "And I know you think that... that I need to let you go... for the sake of Michael, and Isabel, and my race... so you went to Tess. But she can't be you. Tess can never be you."

In the inner office, the older Max listened to their conversation. At the last of the younger Max' words, he realized with a resigned expression on his face that their mission was turning out a failure.

Back in the main office, Liz was now meeting Max' gaze, her voice resolute. "Max, we have to stop this." The conviction in her tone faded, the longer she looked at the man she loved. Desperately she continued, "We have to. I am telling you that we _have_ to."

But Max wouldn't hear any of it. He pleaded, "Go out with me on Friday. There's a Gomez concert in Santa Fe." He lifted his hand, displaying two concert tickets. "I have tickets."

Liz knew she had to end this conversation as soon as possible. She had to take the offensive, otherwise Max would not stop pursuing her. She tried her best, raising her voice to sound determined. "No. No, Max. I can't go out with you ever again. _Please_ stop doing this."

He looked confused, hurt. "I can't," was all he could say. He didn't try to hide the disappointment he was feeling. He lowered the hand with the Gomez tickets and turned to go. Liz watched him leave the office, hating herself for what she had just done. She tried to tell herself it had been the only way to set things right. But that didn't make it any less painful.

When Max had left Whitaker's office, Liz slowly turned towards the older Max, whose face bore a worried expression. She tried not to blame him, but she was angry at him all the same. In a way, it was all his fault. But then she remembered that _he_ hadn't really had a choice either. Unsure what to do next, she walked out of the office, leaving Max behind.

  
--...----...----...-- 

"You're supposed to be breaking up with him, not kissing him." Max chastised Liz, as he was climbing through her bedroom window.

Liz was angry and confused. She spun around to face Max, throwing up her arms. "You... you kissed _me_. I mean... you know, _he_ kissed me."

"You're only making me love you more." He sounded livid and desperate at the same time as he looked straight at Liz.

"I just said no to Gomez," she defended herself determinedly.

"You said no the last time, too. I didn't take no for an answer." Max was clearly upset. He took a step towards Liz, the ire in his voice slowly fading.

"So we went to the concert." Liz threw her arms up like it was no big deal.

"No," Max replied, resigned. He drew yet a step closer to Liz, who cast him a surprised look. In a much softer voice, he continued, "The night of Gomez I came to your room. That's the night that things between us were cemented."

"Cemented," Liz repeated. "So when you say cemented, you..."

"We made love." Max interrupted emphatically, first looking down, then directly into Liz' eyes.

Liz stared at him in surprise, her eyes widened. After a short, stunned pause, she denied, "No, no, we... we didn't."

"Liz..." Max tried to make her see reason.

But Liz cut in again, trying to convince herself. "No, I have no intention of making love to you or... or anyone else at this particular stage of my life," she told Max matter-of-factly.

"I beg to differ," was his simple reply. How could he make it clear to Liz that he _knew _it had happened?

Liz was still in denial. "No. Making love to you is the farthest thing from my mind." She raised her hand to emphasize her words. "I... I don't even have protection." She shook her head as she leaned closer to Max.

"I did," he told her almost regretfully.

"Oh, that's great," Liz said in a sarcastic tone as the realization finally seeped through. "There you are, Max the Saint, just walking around with a condom in his back pocket." The thought of her making love to Max frightened her a little, even though she had tried to imagine what it would be like very often. As if the sheer utterance of her words could manipulate her actions, she went on convincing herself and the person opposite her, "I... I... I don't even care what happened in your reality. I am not making love to you or anyone until I am ready, and I am just not ready." Liz' eyes filled with tears, her voice was now shaky.

Slowly getting annoyed at Liz' unwillingness to believe his words, he once again stressed, "Liz, I am _telling_ you what happened, and we have to change that. We _have_ to." His voice was once again tinged with desperation. "And so far, we've failed. Liz, it's not just Max that's the problem here. You are." Liz took a step back. There was truth to his words, she realized. How could he just come into her life and ask her to give it all up? She focused her attention on Max' words again, who went on, "You are not letting yourself change. Now you have to do something... before it's too late." Her brow furrowed as she looked down, letting the meaning of his words sink in.

...----...----...--

Liz had thought hard about what the future Max had told her, and she had to admit that he was right. It was not only the younger Max who didn't want to let go, she didn't want to either. And as hard as it was for her, there had to be something she could do to make Max leave her alone. She had sat for almost two hours, trying to come up with a speech that would convince Max, that would make him see reason. And now she believed she was ready to deliver it. With a sigh, and a heart as heavy as lead, she got up from her bed and headed for Max' home.

...----...----...--

As she approached his window and knocked, he was doing pull-ups, dressed only in a pair of shorts, his chest bare. He stopped with his exercises and walked towards the window.

"Well, this is a surprise." Max smiled as he recognized who was standing outside his window.

"It isn't what you think," Liz said with a serious expression on her face. Max held out his hand to help her climb inside but she declined. "No, I can do it." She climbed onto the window sill and hopped into his room. As she removed a few stray hairs from her face, she couldn't help but notice Max' sparse attire. That was the last thing she needed right now, his fully exposed, muscular chest to distract her. "Can you... um, put a shirt on, please?" she asked him.

Almost embarrassed, he tried to shield his chest from view with his arms, then walked over to his bed, grabbed the T-shirt that he had thrown there earlier, and put it on.

Liz seemed a little more comfortable. "Thank you."

"Liz..." Max started to say but she interrupted him.

"Don't say anything, OK?" She sounded as if she was babbling; the words came out fast and sounded stiff. She fixed her gaze on Max' bedspread, awkwardly wringing her hands in front of her chest as she continued, "Um, because I... I came in here with this whole speech, and once you start talking, my speech doesn't apply, and everything gets changed, and I just want to make sure that I say everything to you, so just don't say anything."

Max was shifting his position uneasily, opening his mouth. But Liz interjected in a commanding tone, "Just don't say anything." Max obeyed her wish and looked at her in silence, his face dropping. She went on, "OK, I... I just re-read 'Romeo and Juliet', and, you know, the first thing that I realized is, that isn't even the title. It's called 'The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet'. They die. You know, she's this young girl, she... she's younger than me, and she dies."

Max was studying Liz, keeping silent, letting Liz continue. "Look, I think the reason why people think that it's such a romantic play is they don't know what it's like to be put in that position... But when your life and... and other people's lives are... are put at risk, there isn't anything romantic about it. Max, you can't stop what's happening to you. I mean, your life will always be dangerous, but my life, it doesn't have to be. My life is only in danger if I am with you."

Max stared back at Liz, not wanting to believe what he was hearing. Liz continued, "I... I want to be in love with boys... normal boys. I... I want to see my 21st birthday. I... I want to have a wedding day. I... I... I want to have children..." She could not bear to look at Max as she was telling him all these horrible things she didn't even mean. The hardest part was yet to come, she could not stop now, so she continued. "And I want my children to be safe. You know, Max, if... if you truly love me, you'll let me go. I may love you, but I... I don't want to die for you." She shook her head to underline her words.

Max couldn't take his eyes off Liz, eyes that were now filled with tears. She had not said all those things to him just now, had she? It couldn't be true. He was too stunned to say anything in reply. All he could do was stand there like a tree entrenched in stone, watching her climb out his window.

...----...----...--

'I may love you, but I...I don't want to die for you... I don't want to die for you... I don't want to die for you.' The words kept repeating in Liz' mind and she couldn't stop crying. The older Max was sitting opposite her, lost in his own sorrow. He knew he had been asking a lot of Liz, realized that he had been putting her through hell, and worse, these last few hours. But there was no other way. And they had not yet succeeded.

Liz' face was buried in her arms that were resting on her drawn-up knees. She could not bear to look the older Max in the eyes as she cried. He felt so helpless, just sitting there, watching her cry. All he wanted to do is gather her in his arms and comfort her. But he knew that would make matters even more complicated than they already were.

When he reached for the box of tissues on the table next to Liz, to hand her one, his hand passed through the solid basket-like material of the box. He was stunned to see the effect of not being able to touch anything and moved his hand again, to confirm what he had just seen. Liz noticed the sudden motion and watched Max' hand passing through the solid object. She was so stunned, she stopped crying, asking him, "What's happening?"

He looked at his own hands as he explained, "This must be it. What you did must have worked." He slowly lifted his head to look at Liz. "I'm leaving."

Liz now looked at Max' face as she worriedly inquired, "What, so you're just... you're going back to where you came from?"

"No," he whispered. "There's nowhere to go back to."

What neither of them knew was that the younger Max and Maria were sitting downstairs in the Crashdown's now closed dining area. Max had come to talk to Maria, hoping she could explain Liz' strange speech to him. Deep down inside of him, he had hoped she would have an explanation, that she would tell him everything would be fine. But he also wanted her to be honest with him. An honest Maria had told him to give Liz up, that none of the humans in Roswell belonged with any of the aliens.

For a moment he had believed that was true. A moment that had initiated the first step in the transition of the Max from the future. Max' mind wandered back to the day he had first seen Liz, her gleaming, brown eyes, her sweet smile, her honest laugh. He remembered their first kiss, the intense flashes they had shared, the touch of her soft skin under his fingertips. He still loved her. God, he still loved her so much. When he admitted that to Maria, she just told him that he was a hopeless case. The moment of doubt had passed. He would not give Liz up. Not this easily.

Up on Liz' balcony, she gave Max an uneasy look and sighed. Would he just disappear, one body part at a time? Would he just suddenly vanish? Her thoughts were interrupted as she felt the expression of Max' face change. He looked as though he had just felt a premonition. He suddenly reached out his hand to touch the tissue-box again. This time his palm collided with the top of the box. Something must have changed again.

In a discouraged tone, he said, "It didn't work." More forcefully, he added, "We have to do something else."

"No, I... I can't," Liz told him, feeling exhausted and drained.

"You _have_ to," he stressed once again, not looking her in the eyes. He knew how difficult this must be for her but there was no other way.

"Do you know how hard it was for me to tell him that I didn't want to die for him? He's the only reason that I'm alive right now." Liz could not take any more of this. She shook her head, more tears welling up in her eyes. "You... you've... you gotta come up with another plan. Please go to someone else. I... I just... I can't do this anymore."

Max looked at Liz. He had to convince her that their plan _had_ to succeed. Tonelessly, he told her, "Just 25 minutes before I came here, I held Michael in my arms... dead. Isabel died two weeks before that. Now, you have to do this. You have to find a way. All of our lives depend on it." The desperation crept into his voice again.

Liz' watery eyes were looking right into Max' now. Disheartened, she asked, "How?" Her voice wavered. "What can I do that's gonna make you turn away from me?"

In a whisper, Max honestly replied, "I don't know."

Feeling overwhelmed, she held her head in her hand and closed her eyes, as a new flood of tears racked her body. Hadn't she been through enough? Why did he have to put her through this? What could she do that would push the younger Max away from her for good?

...----...----...--

It was Friday night and the Gomez concert would start in just about an hour's time. Max was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the tickets in his hands, his fingers idly toying with them. He still couldn't believe Liz didn't want to be with him or even go out with him. What had he done to deserve this treatment? But he wasn't willing to give up just yet. If he went to see her right now with the tickets, maybe she could be persuaded to go after all. Or at least he could try to make her talk about why she was behaving so distantly towards him. It wasn't so much her coolness - it was the not-knowing-why part that bothered him most. Uncertainly, he got up from his bed, put on a sweater and took off for Liz' place.

Once at the Crashdown, he went around the back and climbed up the fire escape to her room. He had already prepared a little speech of his own. He just _had_ to win her back. He didn't think he could live without her near him.

Her room was dark as he approached her window. He could make out Liz lying in bed. But as he drew closer, he realized there was someone else next to her. Kyle. Both obviously naked. Max was immediately stunned, shocked. Tears shot into his eyes. He dropped the concert tickets and turned on his heels, never looking back.

He climbed down the ladder and just walked, images and random thoughts rampaging in his mind. He couldn't think straight, the picture of Liz in bed with Kyle kept penetrating his vision. He walked for a while before he realized his feet had taken him to the park. Not really caring where he went, he finally stopped in front of an empty bench and sat down, staring into dark nothingness. He quickly wiped the tears away that were fogging his vision, blinking a few times. He felt nothing but confusion now. An overwhelming sense of vertigo struck him, he had to grab the seat of the bench with both hands to not topple over. The wave of dizziness passed and he felt as if every emotion deep down inside of him had been washed away with it.

Suddenly, he noticed something moving in front of him. He didn't know how long he had sat there. It might have been minutes, it might have been hours. When he looked up, Tess was walking towards him. With a worried look on her face, she asked, "Are you okay?"

In a despondent voice, he replied, "No," staring at the ground again. His torso was hunched forward, his elbows resting on his knees.

"Can I sit down?" Tess carefully inquired.

He looked up at her, mumbling, "Sure."

Hesitantly, she took a seat next to him. In a soft tone, she asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Max simply answered, "No." His tone was emotionless.

Tess was not sure how to react, interactions on an emotional level had never been her forte. She quietly asked, "Do you want me to leave?"

Max studied Tess for a second before he carefully said, "No."

Glad that he was no longer alone, they sat quietly for a while, neither saying a word. Tess did not know what had just happened but it must have been something very distressing to Max. She felt he needed all the support he could get, so she put a comforting and reassuring hand on his shoulder, hoping some of her strength would flow into him. His sad eyes met hers and there was a long heavy silence.

...----...----...--

Liz and older Max sat on her balcony, outside her bedroom window. Max was not looking at her as he spoke. He was facing away from her as he confided in Liz, "I've fought a thousand battles... but watching you do that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"The look on his face... on _your_ face..." Liz stammered, feeling too empty to cry.

"Maybe it's for the best." He softly said as he turned and looked deep into her eyes. Liz looked at him in surprise. "For you, too."

She was not sure what he was implying. "What are you talking about?"

Max almost smiled at her, his tone now a lot calmer. "I saw you with Kyle. He's turning... he's turning out to be a... a great guy. Maybe it would be better for you to be with a human."

The corners of Liz' mouth turned into a sad smile, a little of the sparkle returning to her eyes. "Don't you realize what you are to me... and you're always gonna be? You're the love of my _life_. Everyone else is gonna be second best. There'll never be another you."

Max looked away, deeply touched and saddened by the realization of what he just destroyed for Liz. Her whole world had been torn apart, her heart along with it. And he didn't want to think about how his younger self was feeling right now.

"So Max and... Tess are going to be together now." It sounded more like a question than a statement to Max.

He quietly replied, "I don't know. I don't know anything now. This is a different world."

"I'm gonna be alone," Liz said bitterly.

"Maybe." He tried to give Liz an uplifting look. "Maybe not. From now on, the future is to be determined." She looked at him, wishing what he was saying was true. Then a small smile lit up her face as Max continued, "It's what I've always said to you, Liz. We create our own destiny."

She looked into his sorrow-filled, soulful eyes before she moved to sit next to him. She took his hand. It was the first time she had touched the future version of Max. "Could you dance with me?" She didn't know what had come over here so suddenly, but she knew she wanted one last dance with him.

Surprised, he asked, "What?"

"I wanna have my wedding dance," she explained.

A sad smile lit up his face. He stood up and reached out his hand to her. Liz took it and the two of them started dancing. Liz touched his muscular arms as they slowly moved in perfect unison, looking each other in the eyes, an intimate moment passing between the two of them. Max started twirling Liz and she spun around by herself, reveling in the movement. When she stopped spinning and turned to face Max again, he was gone. He had simply disappeared. She stood, stunned, for a moment and almost staggered two, three steps back. After just standing there for a minute or two, thunderstruck, she slowly turned towards her window and climbed back into her room where she sat down on her bed.

So much had happened in these last few days. So much, that she hadn't had the time to grasp all of it. This was it between Max and her? She would never again be held in his gentle but firm embrace, never feel the touch of his lips on hers again? Instead Tess would have all of that. She tried hard not to ask why because there was no answer to that question. At least none that was satisfying. Suddenly, she felt tired beyond belief. She took off her shoes and let herself sink back onto her pillow, in the hopes that she would find some answers in her sleep.

...----...----...--

**TWO MONTHS LATER**

"Yes. Yes, I understand. ... No, Mr. Leland. ... No, I'll come and pick it up myself. ... Yes. ... Bye."

Liz placed the receiver on the hook and sighed deeply. Why did this have to happen now, this weekend? Her parents were out to visit her mom's parents for the weekend and they had left Liz in charge of the Crashdown Café. It was Saturday morning, 8.30 a.m. and the Crashdown was still closed. They didn't open on Saturdays until 10.30. They were already almost out of Coke and now the wholesale delivery service had called and told Liz that their truck had broken down and couldn't be fixed until Monday. Which wouldn't be any problem if they didn't need the Coke today.

Coke was one of the most popular drinks and there was no way she could go until Monday without any. She knew she couldn't pick up the whole truck load herself, but at least she could take a car and go get four or five of the metal barrels herself, just enough to last until the coming week. The only problem was that her parents had taken the car. Now she had to find someone with a car who could take her to Chisum where their wholesaler was located.

Her first choice was Maria. She picked up the phone and pressed the speed-dial button for Maria's number. When Maria answered, Liz told her about her problem.

"Oh, Liz, I'm really sorry. First, I promised Mom that I'd do the laundry this morning and second, Mom's taken the Jetta to get some of her ridiculous alien thingies. You know, she's on one of her creative trips again. And once that happens, there's no stopping her. Sorry."

"Oh, never mind. I'll find someone else. Thanks," Liz told her. They said goodbye and Liz hung up. She thought about whom to call next. Alex didn't have a car of his own, he only had his mountain bike, that he treasured like a baby.

Kyle. Yes, Kyle could drive her. She dialed his number and it was his dad, the Sheriff who answered. When she asked to speak to Kyle, he told her that Kyle was out with the team for a basketball match in Hobbs.

Not Kyle, then. Michael didn't have a car either. She could ask Isabel. Then she remembered that Isabel and Alex had decided to leave early for Albuquerque to go on a grand shopping tour. There was only one person left to ask. Max. The last person she wanted to spend time alone with in the confines of a car right now. But there was no other way, she needed the Coke.

She wasn't sure if Isabel had taken the jeep or if she had taken their parents' car. Liz didn't want to meet or phone Max if he didn't have a car available anyway. So, she decided to walk to his house and see if she could spot either the jeep or their other car.

As she walked up the street, she could already see the jeep parked in front of the house. That meant Max could take her - if she could gather up the courage to ask. She took a deep breath and walked up the driveway, knocking at the front door. She was trying to mentally prepare herself that Max could be standing in front of her any second now. She heard footsteps and the smiling face of Mrs. Evans greeted her. Liz wasn't sure if she should inwardly sigh in relief, because it wasn't Max, or sigh in despair because Mrs. Evans might tell her that Max wasn't in. Before she could make a decision, Mrs. Evans invited her in.

"Liz. What a pleasant surprise. We haven't seen you here for a while. Come on in and sit down." Mrs. Evans guided her to the kitchen table.

Liz hesitantly sat down on the edge of the chair. "Can I offer you anything? Coffee, Coke, water?" Mrs. Evans inquired.

"Oh, no thanks. I, um, I don't want anything right now."

...----...----...--

Max was spread out on his bed, idly turning the pages of his history book. He was supposed to read the chapter about the French Revolution for Monday's lesson but he couldn't concentrate. His thoughts kept wandering back to the Skins, Nicholas, Courtney and the immense responsibility that weighed on his shoulders. Even though no evidence of the Skins, or anything else alien-related, had come up since the day when all humans had suddenly disappeared, courtesy of a signal generated by the Skins two months ago, Max couldn't stop thinking about it, and the dangers they represented.

He suddenly heard commotion and voices downstairs. Any distraction was welcome to take his mind off the Skins or the French Revolution. He got up and went to see who the visitor was. When he rounded the corner and saw who it was, the sight of Liz hit him like an electric jolt.

Mrs. Evans noticed Max standing in the door frame and said, "Max, honey, look who's here."

Max nodded and casually strolled over towards the table but remained standing at a distance over by the kitchen counter, his hands in his pockets. An uneasy, awkward moment passed between the two of them before Liz started to speak. "Max, I... I need your help."

"With what?" he replied in a neutral voice.

"I need a car... You see, my parents are out with our car and we're... the Crashdown is almost out of Coke." He noticed that she was nervous, she was kneading her fingers in her lap as she spoke. "And then the delivery van broke down and can't be fixed..." The story poured from her like an overflowing spring.

Max listened to her confused speech, shifting his position slightly. For a moment he was tempted to come up with an excuse why he couldn't go. But then, it must have taken Liz a lot of guts to come and ask for his help; he shouldn't just dismiss her like that. He looked at her after she had finished and told her, "Okay, where do you need to go?"

"Just over to Chisum."

"Then let's go," he said, grabbed the car keys and went for the door. Liz stood up and followed. Mrs. Evans watched them leave with a thoughtful look. Something must have happened between Liz and Max, that much was clear to her. She wasn't sure whether she should ask Max about it when he returned.

A worried shadow darkened her face. She was concerned about Max and Isabel, but about Max more than Izzie. She couldn't remember exactly when she had first noticed. But it must have been two or three months ago. Max had become even quieter than usual, to the point where he had withdrawn completely. At first she and her husband had thought it was just a temporary thing. Lovesickness perhaps. But when he had not gotten better, they had urged Max, and also Isabel, to seek the help of a counselor. She wasn't sure it was helping them, though. She felt so helpless, wished there was something she could do. It hurt her more to see her children suffer, than it did them. She went over to the window and watched as Max and Liz drove off in the jeep.

...----...----...--

Max hit the accelerator as he pulled onto the highway. They had driven in silence so far. Liz felt as if she had to say something, so she asked him about school. They small-talked for a few minutes, exchanging very insignificant banter. Then silence ensued again.

Max had switched the radio on a while ago. Liz half listened to the disc jockey babbling on about some band playing live in town that night. Then another song came on. Liz almost winced when she realized what song it was. Sheryl Crow's voice sang, "Come to me now and lay your hands over me. Even if it's a lie, say it will be all right and I shall believe" I Shall Believe - the song the Max from the future had told her had been playing for their wedding dance - _their_ song. The image of that Max, telling her about their wedding, came flooding back to Liz. How they had danced in front of her window before he had suddenly disappeared. And how she had done this awful thing to Max, the one sitting next to her. How she had asked Kyle to lie in bed with her so it would look to Max as if they had been sleeping together.

Liz didn't even notice that a tear was running down her cheek. Just at that moment, Max looked over to her. He saw that Liz was crying. His brow creased in confusion and worry. "Liz? What's wrong?"

Liz looked as if she was miles away with her thoughts. Max asked again, "Liz. Liz, are you all right?" That seemed to have gotten through to her, as she was jerked from her reverie and quickly wiped the tear from her cheek.

"What? Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

"Liz, what is going on? I _know_ there's something going on here. Why won't you tell me?"

"Look, Max..." She stopped in mid-sentence, not sure how to explain herself. Max couldn't know. She couldn't tell him. She had made a promise.

But Max wanted clarity, not some wild excuse. Deep down inside she felt that Max didn't really believe she had slept with Kyle that night, like she had told him. And everything inside her screamed that he deserved to know why she had driven him away, why she was keeping him at arm's length. Still, she had promised the future Max because this Max could not know about the future. Or the future that would hopefully not take place now. Ever.

She tried again. "Max, please stop asking me about this. I cannot explain it to you."

"And why not?" he asked.

"Because I promised," she admitted.

"To who?"

She looked out the side window and whispered, "To you," so softly she didn't think he had heard it.

"What did you say?" he inquired. Suddenly Liz wasn't so sure anymore that he really hadn't heard that.

"Nothing."

Just as Max wanted to explore the matter further, they drove past the brightly colored, much too touristy 'Welcome to Chisum' sign. Liz gave Max directions to the warehouse. Not that he would really have needed them; Chisum was almost too small to get lost in.

Max parked the jeep in front of the warehouse and Liz went in to talk to the foreman. They both came out after five minutes and before long, men in blue coveralls loaded six metal barrels into the jeep. Liz got back onto the passenger's seat and they drove off again.

...----...----...--

Liz hated the icy silence between them, so she started talking. She asked Max how Isabel was. Which was a pretty stupid thing to ask since Liz saw Isabel almost every day.

Max told her, "Isabel is fine. She and Alex drove out to Albuquerque to go shopping, I think." Which wasn't anything Liz didn't already know. And Max knew that as well. "They took mom's car and left really..." He suddenly paused in mid-sentence, then looked at her. "Liz, this is stupid. Why am I telling you this, you already knew that Iz and Alex went shopping." He sighed and very quietly asked, "Is it always gonna be like this between us?"

"I don't know, Max. I wish I could say."

He looked back through the windshield, his expression taking on an even sadder tint.

"Max, there are reasons for the decisions I made. Reasons I can't explain to you, reasons that go beyond you and me or Tess or Kyle. This has nothing do with jealousy or competition."

Max looked away, hurt and disappointment now clearly registering on his face. "I can't believe you're saying this. The person I once thought I could trust with my life, the person I risked my whole existence for."

Tears welled up in Liz' eyes and she looked to the floor, then up again at Max. "Max, you don't understand."

"Then let me."

"I can't."

"Is that all you can say? 'I can't'?"

"Don't you see this is just as hard for me as it is for you? Do you think I'm enjoying this?" Liz' eyes fixed on a dirty spot in the dashboard as she continued, "I wish things could be different. But they aren't. There's nothing you or I can do about that. Maybe one day things will change again. Maybe," she repeated with a sigh.

Max squared his jaw, his knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. Liz realized she was making things worse rather than better. She looked at his face again and tried to ignore that Max was refusing to look at her, keeping his gaze steadily on the road in front of them. "Max, if there's anything you can do for me, it is to leave this matter alone for now. Please." There was another pause before she whispered, "I'm sorry."

Max was trying to blink away the tears that filled his eyes. He feared that if he spoke now, tears would flow freely. And that was something he did not want Liz to see. All he could do was to nod in silence. They drove the rest of the way back to Roswell without exchanging another word.

At the Crashdown, Max helped Liz unload the barrels and hook them up to the soda machine. Once they were done, Max turned to go. Liz followed him to the front door and when he was about to get into the jeep, she called out his name.

"Max." He looked at her with a glimmer of hope in his eyes that she would tell him something, anything, to make him understand. But she just said, "Thank you," avoiding his gaze. He nodded, started the motor and drove off. Liz stared after him and kept standing in the doorway of the café for a long time after the jeep had left. Then she realized that it was almost 10 o'clock and she had to set up the Crashdown for it would open in half an hour.

...----...----...--

Max parked the jeep in front of the house, in almost the same spot it had been standing before he had taken Liz to Chisum. He entered through the back door and hoped that he wouldn't have to endure the scrutinizing looks of his mother. But he was not so lucky, she was standing at the counter, cleaning vegetables. When she heard Max enter, she put the knife and the cauliflower away and looked straight at him. He felt as if she was seeing right through the façade he had been trying to put up, to not make her worry any more than she already did.

"Max, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired."

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" she tried to offer.

"Not now, Mom, okay?" he replied a little more harshly than he had intended. Quickly, before she could do or say more, he went up to his room and locked the door behind him.

He sat down on his bed, then let his torso slide back into a horizontal position, putting his interlaced fingers behind his neck. He tried not to think of Liz, but of course he could think of nothing but. For the past few weeks, ever since she had told him she had slept with Kyle, he had hoped for some signal from her, something that would indicate she hadn't given up on him. But nothing had come forward and from what she had told him now, he was quite sure nothing would. At least not any time soon.

She had told him something had happened but could not tell him what. And hadn't he heard her whisper that she had made a promise - to him? He wondered what she had meant. What could have been so important that she could not trust him with it? He felt betrayed, angry, hurt. But he knew he was still in love with her. And up until he had walked in on her sleeping with Kyle he had been sure she was too. However, the walls of that steadfast opinion had begun to crumble today.

In front of his mind's eye he saw Liz in bed with Kyle again. And he couldn't bear the thought that Liz would be together with anyone else. He couldn't bear the thought that she would not be at his side when he needed her, that he would never again touch her long, dark, silky hair, kiss her soft lips, look deeply into those warm brown eyes. It brought tears to his eyes and this time he let them flow.

For a split second, he thought about what would happen if he just died now. No more aching emotions, no more responsibilities weighing heavily on his shoulders. But then he thought of Isabel, Tess and Michael - and Maria and Alex. And Liz. No, that was not the way out. He closed his eyes and wished that if he just lay there long enough, all the answers would come to him. The last thing he saw before he drifted off into an uneasy slumber was Liz' face smiling down on him.

...----...----...--

_I would change myself if I could_  
_Id walk with my people if I could find them_  
_And Id say that Im sorry to you_  
_Im sorry to you_  
_And I dont wanna call you, but then I wanna call you_  
_Cause I dont wanna crush you but I feel like crushing you_  
_And its true I took for granted you were with me_  
_I breathe by your looks and you look right through me_  
_But we were broke and didnt know it_  
_We were broke and didnt know it_  
_We were broke and didnt know it_  
_We were broke and didnt know_

**_Something's gone_**  
_You withdraw and Im not strong like before_  
_I was_  
_Deep inside of you_  
_I can go nowhere_  
_I burn candles and stare at a ghost_  
_Deep inside of you_  
_And some great need in me_  
_Starts to bleed_  
_Ive lost myself, theres nothing left, its all gone_  
_Deep inside of you_  
_Deep inside of you_  
_Deep inside of you_

**_© Third Eye Blind - Deep Inside Of You _**


End file.
